oprah
My Plan For Being an Extremely Successful and Famous Author: Day One
Woo! Tomorrow I officially become a legitimate author. St. Martin’s Press is publishing my law school memoir, LAWYER BOY. Here’s what I have planned for the day:
6:00 AM to 11:00 AM: Appear on several network mornings shows (Good Morning America, The Today Show, etc…). These shows haven’t actually expressed any interest in having me as a guest, but let’s just say, tonight, when I fall asleep, I plan on leaving my cell ringer on.
11:00 AM to 1:00 PM: Foie gras medallions and with the mayor.
1:00 PM to 4:00 PM: Oprah taping. (Attending as an audience member, but planning to throw copies of my book on stage.)
4:00 PM to 10:00 PM: Field apologetic/remorseful phone calls for every girl who’s ever rejected me.
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David Blaine on Oprah
Anybody catch David Blaine on Oprah yesterday? I sure did. Love the guy. And that makes me unique…not among the public at large, but among magicians. Most magicians hate him. I think they’re jealous, and here’s why: Blaine got famous for a TV special called “Street Magic” in which he performed the same close-up magic tricks that magicians have been performing for years. The difference is, Blaine made them work. He did what most magicians are completely unable to do: get people to believe he’s doing REAL magic.
I’m such a big fan of his because after his shows, somebody always comes up to me and says, “So that David Blaine guy…is he for real or what?” Or something like that. I usually respond, “I could tell you…but then I’d have to kill you.” Sometimes, “I could tell you, but then they’d take away my Magicians’ Alliance card.”
So yesterday, on Oprah, Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds. Totally legit too; not a trick. Or was it…? What do you think?
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I could tell you...but then
Submitted by Ryan (not verified) on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 22:14.
I could tell you...but then I'd have to kill you.
Let me be the first to
Let me be the first to say:
Congratulations!!!
It's been a long time coming. Maybe I'll stalk the aisles of Barnes & Noble here in New York and do some of my own Lawyer Boy publicity.
Let me also be the first to express my regret. In college, you asked me out after Acting 101 and I said no. And even though we became fast friends, today I'd trade it all in for a chance to switch that monosyllable-word reply to a "yes."
Son of a.
Congrats again.
You should tape every
You should tape every morning show, daytime talk show, and late night show that airs today.
Then, you should do that Forrest Gump digital insertion thing, and make it look like you were in all of them. Your kids and grandkids will never know. I can see the dialog now:
Matt Lauer: "So, Dr. Sorenson, you're saying that polar bears are sick of global warming and are starting a cult that uses human sacrifices to cool the earth on the assumption that since people are 98.6 degrees, each person warms the earth with their body heat?"
Inserted Rick Lax: "Yes, the people at St. Martins have been great. My editors really helped me keep things tight and cohesive. I think any law student will enjoy the tips, and any lawyer will enjoy reading the book and thinking back on their own hijinx."
Matt Lauer: "So, Doctor, you're saying that the international child pornography rings are covers for the polar bear cult? That they use child porn to lure people into the 'To Catch a Predator' houses, but instead of being arrested, they are polarkilled?"
Inserted Rick Lax: "It's been quite an experience writing this book. I've had to walk a fine line between telling it like it is, and protecting the innocent.... and the not so innocent."
Matt Lauer: "Strange and troubling news indeed Doctor, thank you for alerting us to the impending danger."
Inserted Rick Lax: "Thanks for having me Matt."
CONGRATULATIONS R I C K Y
CONGRATULATIONS R I C K Y
It's now a few minutes
It's now a few minutes before 1:00 Chicago time...how were the Foie gras medallions and with the mayor?
Sounds delicious and confusing.
Sounds like the Today show's
Sounds like the Today show's gotten a whole more controversial...