Rick's Blog Posts

Las Vegas Life, Getting In Without Paying

 

 

 

 

 

It’s official, I’ve got a Vegas apartment AND sunburn. The apartment is on the Westside, two blocks from a Borders Books, and the sunburn is along my forearms.

I’m staying with a lovely and charming English model and her placid cat, who didn’t seem to even notice when I was petting her.

As the English would say, cheers to my mom, Counselor Linda, for driving me across the country and helping me find a place. She definitely went above and beyond the call of duty here.

I’ve just been here a week, and already I’ve met two fellow magicians, both at the bookstore. I’ve also met a handful of Las Vegas stereotypes from all walks of life. (Hi guys!)

This weekend my high school friend Andrew (the guy who stars in the B horror film series 30 Days of Night: Blood Trails) is visiting from Los Angeles, and we’re planning to hit up the club scene. Let’s see if I can use my magician/lawyer skills to get in without paying…

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Last Night's Dinner, The Four Of Us

 

Last night I had a lovely impromptu dinner in the Palms Hotel food court with my mother and two prostitutes.

I walked up to them and said, “Hi, can my mom and I join you for dinner,” and the white one said, “Sure.” During the course of dinner, the black one told me that she had been in jail 10 times in the past 6 months, and the white one talked business with an attorney from Australia.

The better negotiator: her.

They told me they had lots of good stories for my book and would be happy to share. We exchanged phone numbers. I’ll keep you posted. I just hope they realize that I’m serious about the book thing and not looking to be their pimp/next customer.

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I love your boots. Did your

I love your boots. Did your mom help you pick them out?

Did your mom realize she was

Did your mom realize she was having dinner with prostitutes or did she think that they were some "nice" people of Las Vegas?

I just wonder what the

I just wonder what the prostitutes thought when the pair of you sat down. And then you introduced your mom.

I wonder what they thought

I wonder what they thought too. Possibly this: Well...we're goign to have to charge extra for this.

And yes, my mom knew. We were discussing it directly.



Three Card Monte: The Game Lives on the Las Vegas Strip

My mom and I made it to Las Vegas. Finally. Five nights and six days. Yes, we took our time and did a few detours (some accidental, some not), but we got here. Had some drama in Flagstaff, Arizona, where I almost drove over a PERSON who was LYING IN THE ROAD. Close, close call. My heart is still racing.

More drama yesterday when I saw a real 3 card monte game. (Actually, it was a shell and pea game, but nobody calls it this). This is an illegal con game, and it was taking place right there on the strip. Eventually, I figured out who the lookouts and shills were. So I started talking with one of the shills, telling him that I was a magician writing a book on deception and wanted to ask him some questions, that I wasn’t with law enforcement, and he ignored me, and then told me to mind my own business, but then, after a bit polite persistence, he opened up to me. He used to be in construction in Michigan. But after the economy turned, he moved to Vegas and found himself conning people on the strip.

Somebody gave a signal that the cops were coming, and the game broke up real fast.

I know, it all sounds cliché to be believed.

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Squirrel Hunting: Vice Presidential Debate Edition

 

Drove through Texas and New Mexico today. Watched the VP debate in a Mexican bar. First thing the guy sitting next to me said when the bartender turned the debate on: “All I know is that if this guy and that Obama guy get elected, they ain’t touching my gun.”

The guy was probably right.

Quick story: once I was dating a hardcore libertarian and she took me to the firing range, where I fired a handgun. I was actually a pretty decent shot, but firing the gun scared the hell out of me, and I pray that I’ll never have to fire another one as long as I live. Not a handgun, at least…maybe I’ll take up squirrel hunting during retirement…

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Can you end a squirrel with

Can you end a squirrel with a potato gun? That would be ultimate...



Bar Exam Results

 

JUST what you needed: another Jewish lawyer. I found out this morning that I passed the Illinois Bar exam (!), so if you’re planning on slipping and falling in a supermarket parking lot, make sure that parking lot is in the state of Illinois.

Tell you what. Instead of leaving me a boring comment like “Congratulations, Ricky!!” or something like that, go ahead and leave the comment you would have left if I had failed the bar.

Do try to stay away from clichés.

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thanks what you get for

thanks what you get for spending so much time blogging.

look on the bright side: now

look on the bright side: now that you failed the bar, you....uh...yeah, no bright side, this just sucks.

'Guess you'll have to hone

'Guess you'll have to hone your rugged charm and humorous good looks in hopes of securing a Sugar Mama.

Don't worry Rick. This just

Don't worry Rick.

This just means that the state of Illinois just wasn't meant for you.

It just means you are destined to get Michigan license and work at your father's firm.

 Thanks, Counselors, for

 Thanks, Counselors, for helping pull me through this difficult time.

Congratulations! Now move

Congratulations! Now move back home to Michigan where the only people who truly care about you live and represent me in my tree-branch car-smash case.

Don't worry about not

Don't worry about not passing! You are still a lawyer! Which means you can still tell all those gold diggers in Vegas and they will still be all over you. You're fine!

Man, I was really hoping

Man, I was really hoping things would go the other way. I mean all that time spent... man. And now look at the post-script to the book, it's ruined. I'm just really disappointed man. Not in you of course, just with the unexpected turn of events.



My First Ever On-The-Road Economic Report: Vegas Edition

 

I’m on the road to Las Vegas, driving with my mom. We’ve gone about 700 miles so far, and I’m ready to offer you my on-the-road economic report. A lot of you are probably worried about the state of the nation’s economy right now, which makes sense, but I don’t want any of you worrying about any the following industries:

-The Adult Superstore Industry

-The Firework Industry

-The Boring Cornfield Industry

-The Cracker Barrel Restaurant Industry

-The Friendly But Inept Waitress Industry

-The Surprisingly Clean Gasstation Bathroom Industry

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Your list should keep going

Your list should keep going as you travel. Just wait til you hit the desert, you'll wish you could get another look at the economy.



My Crazy Conspiracy Theory Presidential Debate Post

 

I’ve been watching cable news nonstop the past 24-hours…and nobody brought this point up. (And if you see anyone bring it up in the next 24 hours, they got it from this blog post.)

The cameras were zoomed in tighter on Obama than they were on McCain.

When the camera was focused on Obama, he filled up the entire shot. When the camera was on McCain, there were a few inches between the top of the screen and the top of his head.

Yes, I know McCain is shorter than Obama…but I’m talking about the INDIVIDUAL shots of Obama and McCain. Cameramen usually frame individuals the same way irrespective of their height (assuming there’s only one person in the shot).

(Did that make sense?)

Everybody was talking about how Obama’s presence was greater than that of McCain…and I’m thinking some of this was the cameramen’s doing…

IN OTHER NEWS

Driving to Las Vegas tomorrow with Counselor Linda (aka my mom). So let’s have another contest. How many hours do you think it will take us to get there. (We’re staring in Detroit, Michigan). How much time total (not just driving time)??

Winner gets a personalized congratulatory email from me…AND from my mom!

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It's funny that you say that

It's funny that you say that about the debate, because the only time I noticed a discrepancy it was the other way around. I thought they were trying to hide McCain's baldness by zooming in. Wasn't paying attention the whole time though, maybe they spent more time giving us a close-up of Obama's hotness...either way, I think McCain would probably benefit from a wider shot. And let's hope the debate wasn't televised in HD; his mummy-esque appearance would have been too shocking for the viewing public.

On the question of time that it will take you to get to Vegas, knowing how much you and your mom will love the experience of driving cross-country and won't want it interrupted by potty breaks or stops at Jack-in-the-Box (greatest curly fries in the country), I'll guess a mere 84 hours, or 3.5 days. (My dad and I did the same drive in about 24 hrs, but we took turns driving and went straight through). Good luck and God speed!

Sunday morning I was

Sunday morning I was watching both candidates on various Meet-The-Press type shows. O. was elegantly angled, as if a Sears Portrait Studio employee had posed him. M. faced the camera dead on, mug shot style. Perhaps this can join your observations as evidence of cameraperson bias.

My guess: three score and ten hours.

PS Before you choose an apt in Vegas, ask current residents if they've had a problem with scorpion infestation. The leasing company will lie to you.

 THanks for the tip,

 THanks for the tip, Counselor Sharon.  Just what I need, ONE MORE THING TO WORRY ABOUT. 

 

Oh, and thinking about our contest, there's also a prize for the person who can guess how much money it will cost to get from detroit to vegas...in an SUV filled with boxes of books.

 

i didn't make a guess for teh first one because i have control over how long it takes us to get there adn it'd be unfair...but i'll guess we're going to spent $890 on gas.  

 

Scorpions?! $745

Scorpions?!

$745



My Message To The Democratic Voters: CHILL OUT; And To The Republicans: PLAY FAIR

 

Who’s excited for the Presidential debates? All of you, I hope. I know there are some people out there who don’t watch the debates/don’t care about them…but I don’t understand these people and I doubt I’d get along with them very well.

Here’s my take on the 2008 election. (I’ll do my best to keep this non-partisan…I’m a political Independent by the way…voted Republican and Democrat in the past…Green and Libertarian too…depends on the candidates and the issues they’re most likely to face once elected…i.e., I don’t care where my city councilmen stand on abortion, only zoning regulations…) Ah, yes, so my take. Here goes: The next President is going to be awesome. Obama and McCain are both incredible people. The American Dream and the Bona Fide Hero. They’re especially impressive when you compare them to some other recent presidents.

No matter what happens, things are looking up.

I feel like most of you reading this blog are liberal, which is cool. And some of you are probably freaking out about McCain, especially now that he picked such a conservative running mate. Here’s my message to you: chill.

I’ll bet you $20 that if McCain is elected, you’ll see the Maverick McCain (i.e., the more liberal McCain) return post-inauguration. Remember, he couldn’t have gotten the nomination if he didn’t move to the right…found this out the hard way in 2000, back when he was fathering all those black babies…

And for those of you who are freaking out about Obama (which I kind of understand), my message to you is this: play fair. You had your chance (with Bush), and nothing much good happened, so why not give the other side a turn at the wheel?

IN OTHER NEWS

I’m moving to Las Vegas now to write my second book, Fool’s Paradise. It’s about lies and deception—honest! I don’t know many people in the city and am always looking to meet new people to have fun adventures with…SO…if any of you reading this know some cool, open-minded Las Vegas residents, shoot me an email at LawyerBoyChicago@gmail. Especially if these people are involved in any traditionally Las Vegas professions (i.e., gaming/gambling, hotel management, bars & clubs, entertainment, pawn shops…that sort of thing).

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I have a friend in

I have a friend in Vegas...he's actually a native. He's not in the traditional Vegas professions, but he does lie about when he'll return phone calls. Oh yeah, and he graduated from law school about a year or so ago. He's a fun guy, for a workaholic. I'll hook you up with his phone number.

Why did you go to law

Why did you go to law school?

Interesting. Because I

Interesting. Because I would have pegged you as a liberal. Just because.
But it turns out you're more "my kind of guy". ;-)

Yeah, Chill and Play Fair would be good advice to both sides. Although I am sure it will go mostly unheeded. BTW looking forward to your response to Annonymous (above) about why you went to law school. :D

I would also like to know

I would also like to know why you went to law school...

After all, you invested 3 yrs of your life and ended up with a "highly addictive" (according to my girl-friend, who is now a big fan.....and reads your blog religiously....and now when she read that you are working on your second book, she wants to know where she can reserve a copy....) law school memoir.

Unless you have lawyer-like job planned, how will you pay back your parents for law school? I thought your father expects you to finance his retirement beach house in Florida????

Counselors, I went to law

Counselors,

I went to law school because I was told that I had to if I was going to practice law.

 

Seems to me you just want to

Seems to me you just want to "play" lawyer and that you don't want to have a real job at all - ever.

Well, Counselor Anonymous,

Well, Counselor Anonymous, you obviously don't know me very well then.  But that doesn't surprise me; I try to stay away from people who make unfounded, mean-spirited verbal attacks.  Seems to me that you just want to "play" asshole - really.  

P.S., I'm impressed that you have time to hold down a real job AND make these attacks.  Way to multitask!

 

 

Question for Anonymous: what

Question for Anonymous: what is your definition of a "real job" and why do you consider it the telos of existence?

Uhhhh....since when was

Uhhhh....since when was being an author of widely published memoir not considered a "real job"???

After all, it is currently #22 on Amazon.com's rank in category: Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Professionals & Academics > Lawyers & Judges.

#26 in category: Books > Entertainment > Humor > Lawyers & Criminals

I also recommended his book to a former colleague from work, who is seriously considering applying to law school (but unsure since everyone is against it) after being laid off from Wall St.

I wish I can quit my job and get paid as an author............

It's politics man. Everybody

It's politics man. Everybody always getting there panties bunch.

Las Vegas is cool. This time of the year it's great, but I just moved here about 5 months ago and the Summer was hell.

It's funny how you get

It's funny how you get anonymous hate comments once every couple of months. I'd like to think that there are all kinds of people out there who hate you so much that they talk shit to you on your blog and amazon book reviews, but I have a feeling that it's just one jealous loser. Sorry Lax.

I'll never understand people

I'll never understand people who post anonymous criticism on the internet. Or Republicans. Those are two things I will never understand. And probably the Rule Against Perpetuities. So three things.

Are you planning on going for the Nevada Bar while you're in Vegas?

First, a disclosure: I am

First, a disclosure: I am Rick's uncle and mentioned in his book.

I am also a lawyer of 38 years and have been writing and published since I was 16 (Kennedy was President). The two avocations are not mutually exclusive, but one pays better. I encourage young Richard to pursue both and - most of all - to follow his heart and passions.

 Thanks for the support,

 Thanks for the support, Counselors.

 

-No plans to take the Vegas bar.  I mean, don't get me wrong, the Illinois bar was a blast and all...

 

And yes, Counselor Jaffe is right about the monetary thing...which is a factor for me.  Many of the worst lawyers out there make more than the best writers. 

As a conservative

As a conservative republican, I have not had my views seriously represented in DC by anybody lately (except for those glorious GOP rebels in the House), so the "Play Fair" gambit doesn't work with me. Besides, the personhood question is too important to let anyone mess it up, no matter how well qualified they may be in other respects. I am not a knee-jerk total free market fan, nor am I able to trust Big Gov's never-ending promises to do a better job controlling my life. But if we fail to develop a rational consensus about what a "person" is, then Big Gov has a blank check on control over any "non-persons" it may define into being. Therefore, I could never vote for any pro-abortion candidates ever. Ever! Why? Because that position contains the seeds of everything Orwell feared. Using carefully parsed language to define some humans into the club and some humans out, then using the language of "choice" to describe the ultimate deprivation of "choice," death, is a brilliant demonstration of double-speak. It completely obfuscates the importance and difficulty of knowing what constitutes a person, and how a person should be treated by society and society’s law. And I will not vote for someone who furthers that confusion. Nobama for me. Sorry.

All these threads and

All these threads and commotion for revealing his future plans as a side-note....

Lawyer Boy is one of the

Lawyer Boy is one of the best books I have ever read...If anonymous had actually read your book, he/she would have realized that your aspiration of law school was not simply about becoming a lawyer. Do whatever the heck you want to do with your life, and tell everyone else to shut it, lol. You are incredibly talented, and have an amazing piece of literature to show for it.

P.S. Please finish your next book soon.

Gosh, Counselor Reformer,

Gosh, Counselor Reformer, not sure what to tell you.  I know you feel that Bush2 shafted you...(played up his Jesus love during elections...then left you behind)...but I don't know how much sympathy I can give you for that.  It's like, he represented that he was a 10 on the Jesus scale and turned out to be a 9.  And you bring up Abortion, which, I realize, is a huge issue for most of America.  The hugest issue, for many.  I think you and I are both surprised that it's barely getting a mention in this campaign.  Why do you think this is? 

 

 Oh, and thanks for the

 Oh, and thanks for the kind words, Counselor Kristen...the suspiciously kind words...

"literature?" Oh, puleeze.

"literature?" Oh, puleeze.

Counselor Anonymous,  For

Counselor Anonymous, 

For somebody who dislikes my writing so much, you sure read/comment on my blog a lot. 

 

 

"Suspiciously kind?" Sorry

"Suspiciously kind?" Sorry for any suspicion...I was just a little perturbed by the comments from Anonymous and felt the need to interject. I seemed to have further provoked the situation, though, which was not my intent.

P.S. Anonymous, look up the definition of "literature."

Didn't ask for sympathy.

Didn't ask for sympathy. Just explaining to you why I have no sympathy for the implied moral equivalence in "giving the other side a turn." I am not a utilitarian. I am a theist. Therefore I don't buy the moral equivalence theory. The good guys gotta win, eventually.

BTW, Bush2 didn't "shaft" me respecting the personhood issue. His judicial picks were great for our side. He did disappoint me on government spending. Big time. Also, I think his theory that a totalitarian culture could be transformed by a war was deeply flawed, though I am less sure